Quote of the week

The RAF was a comparatively tightly organised, high tech force, by and large with more modern equipment and operational command techniques than the Navy, and more so the Army. One consequence was that they were able to collate and distill information fast for their own purposes.

The upshot was that they had more up to date PR to hand on a regular basis.

Thanks to old_rat Posted: 16 Jan 2009 17:41

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Getting one over the RAF .............the bastards !

Evidence has emerged - see photo - that the Intelligence Corps is believed to be actively recruiting midgets to pilot a new generation of miniature reconnaissance and fast attack aircraft. Maj SMART (gedit) of the INT CORPS experimental flight and logistics division said during a telephone interview:

"Roger that, the INT CORPS is indeed looking into the advantages of using POLTUHs [Persons of Less Than Usual Height] but I'm not at liberty to divulge the exact nature of their designation."

Speculation has surrounded the INT CORPS's use of POLTUHs ever since it emerged the government rubber stamped a consignment of stunt kites and child-sized uniforms with matching adult sized berets.

MAj SMART said: "The uniforms were purchased from a specialist tailoring outfit in Bedford and the kites were requisitioned for Battalion based and aerial dog-fighting training purposes. There is absolutely no veil of secrecy surrounding our new recruitment initiative as the INT CORPS is a dedicated equal opportunity employer and is committed to gaining a tactical advantage in the skies over our RAF counterparts"

The aircraft designated for the new Battalion are believed to be re-calibrated drone jets which are in the development stages. The INT CORPS is thought to be taking steps to man them after a series of high profile "asset losses" over enemy territory prompted the MOD upper-echelon to reconsider its approach to recon and air/ground attack.

History has shown midgets have played an active and successful role in the defence and espionage efforts of the U.K. for many a year. As far back as the Hundred Years War, documents have shown that British midgets were smuggled onto cargo ships and deployed overseas with instructions to infiltrate foreign administrations and gain employment as trusted court jesters.

Furthermore, during the Nazi occupation of France in the Second World War, reports surfaced that midget spies were pressed into service, loaded into cannons and fired over the English Channel into enemy held territory with nothing more than a parachute, a long-wave field radio and a French (grey ?) peasant disguise - their aerodynamic qualities were a major consideration for the task and they proved to be the second most successful non-conventional unit in the British Armed Forces behind the Army's elite VICDR (Visually Impaired Covert Demolition Regiment). Now part of 49 Para.

Two midgets are highly distinguished as holders of the Military Cross, a decoration awarded for acts of conspicuous gallantry during wartime.

Any further confirmation regarding the INT CORPS use of midgets will be made by the MOD if the story develops further however it is expected the UK Defence Secretary, may make a public statement after it emerged a dwarf applied to the INT CORPS but her application was turned down for classified reasons.

*For security reasons the new midget recruits have had their identities hidden.
* The identity of the Officer has been hidden as his tailor needs a kick up the arrse – and a new tape measure !

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