Quote of the week

The RAF was a comparatively tightly organised, high tech force, by and large with more modern equipment and operational command techniques than the Navy, and more so the Army. One consequence was that they were able to collate and distill information fast for their own purposes.

The upshot was that they had more up to date PR to hand on a regular basis.

Thanks to old_rat Posted: 16 Jan 2009 17:41

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Intelligencers Prize 2009 – a winner ?

The `Usual Suspects` from the Intelligence Corps Directorate that selects the winner of this year’s prize should be apprised of an up and coming outside runner from RAF Digby one of my old stations – The Silver Maple Club brings back great memories!

I must say that his choice of garden tool may influence the more horticultural members of the DHU on the voting panel.

However, it is felt that it his `off duty` dress will have greater influence in the formal decision making process for the award to those who have children and are familiar with the Xbox 360! Then again "what goes on the bedroom stays in the bedroom"

Pictured with what he hopes will be the new Corps head dress (circa 2025 when he becomes Corps RSM) this young and promising thruster from the `Royal Intelligence Corps` * certainly has what it takes to go far in his chosen profession.

*Well that is what it says on his less than security conscious Mum & Dad's website!

Saturday, 7 November 2009

“Tally Ho bandyta na 6 o, zegar” - or words to that effect

The Bishop of Peterborough, a former Intelligence Corps rivet counter and somewhat expert in scale models and all things British Army militaria, was recently observed in the cockpit of a flying machine. My colleagues reckon it could be a very, very old Hughes 1 ? :)

Could it be that all those years working with the elite Imagery Analysts of the Royal Air Force he has finally succumbed to a bit of the high life ?

Perhaps someone has `Advised` him how to enjoy the trappings of superior accommodation when on business `Trips` abroad (that includes NY and North Wales as well bach !)


All sensible answers on a post card (by the way are those terrible uniform pictures still selling ?) to:

c/o Geek Central
Tarpology Dept
The National Imagery Exploitation Centre

Postcards still available here: http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Intelligence-Corps-Postcard

Sunday, 11 October 2009

"What to wear to the party" or "how to look good Pt 2"

As the next general election creeps inexorably towards us, generally discredited Westminster politicians are scrabbling around to try and find some form of unique selling point. With little or no compunction two of the major parties seem to have turned to the armed forces for some sort of implied credibility.

A number of websites and even pressure groups such as the well respected BAFF recognise the gaping chasm between Parliament and the Armed forces. BAFF has been doing some excellent work in this area, struggling to bring the political horse to water. perhaps fully cognizant that it is actually trying to drag a metaphorical pig, with its feet still firmly entrenched in the trough

The two major parties have both decided to turn to the Intelligence Corps, compounding the existing morass of judgement and credibility issues, The opposition have built on their investment with Brigadier Geoffery Van Orden ( made up name) . In terms of operational currency a bit behind his sell-by date, uniform no longer fits. perhaps not many medals either? Stick with the Savillle Row Geoff, know your limits!

Fortunately fresh, new blood is waiting in the wings in the shape of Captain Dylan Thomas a Conservative Defence researcher styled :

a former Officer in the Intelligence Corps who served on operations in Afghanistan, Iraq and Northern Ireland. He is also on the approved parliamentary candidates' list.

I shudder to ask what the criteria might be to get on a list to be an approved candidate of such a den of inequity. Notice that Dylan has opted for the casual informality of No1 Dress. In the typically relaxed mode of a number of Intelligence Cops officers, seen lounging around Northwood, without their Sword or Sam Browne. I Imagine that many other officers will have similar candid snapshots, in similar attire, perhaps taken by a friend or relative at a supper party or a casual garden party at a palace

According to Gok, Dylan has chosen well here, the Navy provides a touch of authority, the beret and braid hint that he is not afraid to play the pantomime queen. I can attest, ( for a fee) that this is normal working dress for many Intelligence Corps officers. I'm sure that Dave Cameron would endorse such informality, and would be quick to point out that this was NOT a posed picture, taken in a studio, some time after Dylan had left the Army.
Let us compare and contrast then with the Government, whom one would be a little more selective considering the recent questionable performance of one of their few ex military, and even scarcer Green bereted, army types, The renowned pamphleteer and essayist Mr Eric Joyce MP (Maj Retd) .

Where to go next to find a fine military man who will steer an unwavering course hard by the party line? Step forward workman-like accountant David Reeves . Like Dylan, David has gone for a candid snap, taken doubtless on his way from work in Bloomsbury to the Drill Hall one evening? As befits the Labour Party, David hails from the ranks, firmly aligned with the proletariat. The retro, workman-like C95, tells us that David, ( who I suspect is really "Dave" or "Dafydd") stands, like a good socialist, with the workers in his working dress. I suspect there is a lighter side to David as he may be teasing us slightly. Who knows one day we may know the truth: is he wearing a centre or side fastening stable belt?
What will the Party think if it does NOT fasten on the left. C95 is a good choice for David as it brings out both his complexion and his hair tone.

What to wear on the Middle Benches? A thorny question, perhaps Gok would suggest a little Khaki Service Dress? Chance to slip into those kitten heels, lengthening your profile and still, like Dylan, providing a chance to flaunt that hard-earned bling.

And the Fringe parties ? I sense they may look for a softer look.
After Beagle cross-dressing Adrian Radford, will the Greens ever trust the military, even if thev ditched The North Face and went for PCP Patagonia?
.... that dear reader is another story..............

Sunday, 30 August 2009

"Oh Brother, how art though ?"

Over on the Army Rumour Service (yes I do contribute now and again) a potential `recruit` to the Intelligence Corps asks a question (a fairly valid one at that) relating to potential membership of the Freemasons and whether it would effectively give him problems.

Despite some `hijacking` of the thread (outrageous) by some extremely knowledgeable 3 to 33 degree Ninja’s and Yoda’s, postings by some of the more usual suspects to the `Int Corps Forum` have been surprisingly absent ! One wonders why this is so ????????

Of course, the potential junior intelligencer may have innocently rumbled on one of the best kept secrets in the British Army `The Kilo Sierra Lodge`, full of rituals and initiations so concealed and powerful in the world order that even the Royal Arch Mason Chapter is subservient!

I once heard two intelligencers (one of whom was off to the second city of Scotland) discussing the merits of another:

“ A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

I did wonder if Proverbs (8:24) formed part of the curriculum of the OPMI course and then realised of course they were talking about each others promotion prospects !

To be continued …………………………………!
Note : The MOD press Office has denied that the picture above shows the recent `Intelligence Corps Day Pass Off Parade` - although those stain glass windows do appear rather familiar !

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

"Jumpers for Goal Posts" or "How to look good Nodal"

Since being commissioned by the Slime Dress Committee to improve even further their fashion sense - have you seen them jumpers WOW ! - we delve into secret communications between Gok and his adoring Intelligencia fashion fan base.

Bottom blues
My big bottom makes me feel self-conscious and I constantly cover it up with big, baggy jumpers. I have to go to a winter exercise to Norway and just don’t know what to wear. Can you help?
WO2 John Peabody -Tidworth

A: Count yourself lucky you have a big, beautiful bottom. CRmeansceilingreached has made a fortune from having a major booty so don’t cover it up! A three-quarter sleeve square-neck tailored dress with kick pleats at the hem is your perfect style. The sleeves will finish at waist level and the square neck will broaden your shoulders, slimming your waist in comparison with your bottom. Top your outfit with a waist-nipping jacket that ends at your hipbone and you will wow the boys on your first briefing!

Nine to five
At work I have to dress smart but feel uncomfortable in a suit – I have big man boobs, a small waist and a wide bottom. Can you suggest an outfit that will work but not set me apart from the Oxbridge crowd ?

SSgt Ken Holm - JTAC - "if it aint got `special`in the unit title I is PVRing"

A:You need a wrap dress as you have a gorgeous hourglass figure - fitness level dropped since leaving the SSR ? A wrap is sexy and works well for any occasion – it can be dressed up or down with accessories. Choose flattering jersey fabrics to smooth over curves (it will hide your Glock), opaque tights and round-toed shoes for a stylishly smart look. No Corps tie though try a dickie instead !

Boob boost
I’m tall and skinny but have no boobs to speak of. What should I wear to make them stand out a bit, without having to resort to drastic measures?

Maj George (Lucy at weekends) London - The West Country (wink,wink)

A: If you’re not quite an A-cup, a push-up padded plunge bra pulls out all the tricks to help you make mountains out of molehills. The diagonal cut of the cups will make you appear curvier. Go for a high-legged thong to lengthen your leg with wide sides to emphasize your hips. Some white lace will give you a greater physical presence making you look more curvaceous and those guards will be blowing wolf whistles at you again as you cross the doughnut!

PS - Are you stlll in contact with Ian F ?

Short stuff
I’m 5ft 2in and have short legs. The majority of trousers I try on are too long. Where can I shop?
LCpl Worthington, Birmingham ex REME – currently on OPMI basic

A: Your trouser heroine is Audrey Hepburn. Think flat-fronted, lean-legged tailored trousers. To lengthen your pins, wear your hemline low (to the bottom of your high heels) and your waistband slightly higher (just under the belly button). Soft, draping fabrics, such as fine wool, will work best to create a long, fluid line. Dorothy Perkins has a great range for you and in Squirrel Grey to boot.

Party on
I’d like to wear a dress to impress at the Mess Christmas Ball. What should I get?

Lt Col Kevin H Wilde, Glasgow APC

A: The LCGD (Little Cypress Green Dress) has officially arrived! When you're after a heart stopping, jaw dropping little number, it's got to be Cypress Green ! The whole shape of the dress should work with your curves, pulling your tummy in, curving over your bott and elongating your legs with high waist detailing. Ensure though there is enough room for your miniatures !

"That's all for this week. Keep your letters coming in. I am off now to present some new ideas to the DHU – ditch those North Feaces and 511s its PVC or nothing Baby!"

PS - "Many thanks for the Intelligence Corps watch by the way - it is correct twice a day "

Thursday, 20 August 2009

`Passport to Pimlico` or “Would you Adam and Eve it !”

Our links to Operatives section this week highlights that contributor to all things `undermission` - Mr `what shall I call myself this week` Ian/Adrian Farmer/Radford* (delete as applicable) who has opened up a school for following people.

You will recall Ian/Adrian a former (very) junior Sergeant in the Intelligence Corps was mentioned in a previous post as fond of dressing up as a dog – allegedly he was in fact auditioning for the role of `Nana` in a forthcoming `Peter Pan` panto !

Ian/Adrian and a motley crew from `Black Chrysalis` will teach – practically anybody it seems – the art of surveillance. The school will be using specialist military `coded` methodology ! Presumably this method was originated by egg laying vertebrates down in a market town in the Garden of England and subsequently stolen - or could that be reinvented?

Surveillance and Counter Terrorism ! Skills that Ian/Adrian is significantly experienced in - or so he claims himself ! However, I am informed by former real instructors and operationally experienced colleagues his Army Red Book would tell a different story !

“Talks a good Op” was the more eloquent statement that is publishable !

"Many a callsign await with excited anticipation his autobiography"

Obviously Ian/Adrian would not be so stupid as to use any actual codes ( I have seen some from my colleagues from the island joint unit) as this could possibly be construed as against the OSA. However, as the new training establishments name suggests, and keeping with the `coded method`, could users of the Capitals underground/buses and general pavement treading throngs soon be hearing the following (with brevity) whispered discreetly into collars:

A for Horses,
B for Mutton
C for Miles (or Seaforth Highlanders)
D for Kate (or D fer Ential)
E for Brick
F for Lump (or F fer Vescence)
G for Police (or G for Get It)
H for Consent (or H for Bless You)
I for Novello (or I for the Engine)
J for Nice Time (or J for Oranges)
K for Restaurant
L for Leather
M for Cream (or M for Sis)
N for Lope
O for the Wings of a Dove (O for the Rainbow)
P for Relief
Q for the Loos
R for Mo
S for you, you can take a hike (or S for Rantzen)
T for Gums (or T for Two)
U for Me (or U for Mism)
V for Espana
W for a Quid (or W for the Winnings)
X for Breakfast
Y for Mistress
Zee for Moiles (or Z for Wind)

“Gawdon Bennet! target gone surf an' dreft at da boozer an' straight along towards da shops. OK?”

“Blimey! drinks in a bar x ray drivin' towards da roundabaaaht an' turn second exi' towards da motorway 'eadin' london. Nuff said, yeah ?"

Monday, 3 August 2009

Dark Matter Gets Free Advertising

Complex semantic networks, quantum chromo-dynamics, stones Boolean theorems, Dactylic pentameter are all topics I have to contend with on a daily basis. However, measuring the outer limits of deep space must pale into intellectual oblivion next to “total irrelevance” and the emeritus professor of the “word association game”. Such originality, I'm sure there were at least 3 other threads running on this topic,

Meanwhile on one of the most secure military installations in the country http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/430668/For-Your-Thighs-Only-Spy-school-girls-secret-service-as-a-hooker.html the alleged wife of one of the enlisted has turned out to have an unusual extra-mural interest. I suppose if you are married to a JSSU Hobbit you need some outlet in life.

Friday, 12 June 2009

Local boy does well

I bumped into former boss Andy White at the Club recently.

He seems to be doing quite well for himself, I sometimes wonder if he has not put a few coppers noses out of joint going to the http://www.info4security.com/story.asp?storyCode=4115677&sectioncode=10 NSI.

Friday, 5 June 2009

Ask not for whom the bell tolls

Yes, there are one or two current and former members of the slime I am still on speaking terms with. One sadly lost his wife to cancer last week, the funeral was this afternoon.

Poignantly, the funeral was at the same place they got married at 23 years ago, at a remote Norman church on the Welsh Marshes. As she was laid to rest in a tranquil churchyard with only the sound of the birds, an Army Lynx appears over the top of the valley. Never leave you alone will they ?

She was about the same age as me,.....at funerals it is difficult not to dwell on your own mortality. It also reminds one how precious one's real friends are.

Even if they are in the bl00dy Int Corps!

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Getting one over the RAF .............the bastards !

Evidence has emerged - see photo - that the Intelligence Corps is believed to be actively recruiting midgets to pilot a new generation of miniature reconnaissance and fast attack aircraft. Maj SMART (gedit) of the INT CORPS experimental flight and logistics division said during a telephone interview:

"Roger that, the INT CORPS is indeed looking into the advantages of using POLTUHs [Persons of Less Than Usual Height] but I'm not at liberty to divulge the exact nature of their designation."

Speculation has surrounded the INT CORPS's use of POLTUHs ever since it emerged the government rubber stamped a consignment of stunt kites and child-sized uniforms with matching adult sized berets.

MAj SMART said: "The uniforms were purchased from a specialist tailoring outfit in Bedford and the kites were requisitioned for Battalion based and aerial dog-fighting training purposes. There is absolutely no veil of secrecy surrounding our new recruitment initiative as the INT CORPS is a dedicated equal opportunity employer and is committed to gaining a tactical advantage in the skies over our RAF counterparts"

The aircraft designated for the new Battalion are believed to be re-calibrated drone jets which are in the development stages. The INT CORPS is thought to be taking steps to man them after a series of high profile "asset losses" over enemy territory prompted the MOD upper-echelon to reconsider its approach to recon and air/ground attack.

History has shown midgets have played an active and successful role in the defence and espionage efforts of the U.K. for many a year. As far back as the Hundred Years War, documents have shown that British midgets were smuggled onto cargo ships and deployed overseas with instructions to infiltrate foreign administrations and gain employment as trusted court jesters.

Furthermore, during the Nazi occupation of France in the Second World War, reports surfaced that midget spies were pressed into service, loaded into cannons and fired over the English Channel into enemy held territory with nothing more than a parachute, a long-wave field radio and a French (grey ?) peasant disguise - their aerodynamic qualities were a major consideration for the task and they proved to be the second most successful non-conventional unit in the British Armed Forces behind the Army's elite VICDR (Visually Impaired Covert Demolition Regiment). Now part of 49 Para.

Two midgets are highly distinguished as holders of the Military Cross, a decoration awarded for acts of conspicuous gallantry during wartime.

Any further confirmation regarding the INT CORPS use of midgets will be made by the MOD if the story develops further however it is expected the UK Defence Secretary, may make a public statement after it emerged a dwarf applied to the INT CORPS but her application was turned down for classified reasons.

*For security reasons the new midget recruits have had their identities hidden.
* The identity of the Officer has been hidden as his tailor needs a kick up the arrse – and a new tape measure !

Saturday, 28 March 2009

G20 protest list

You can find the full G20 protest list at this link

As it may be blocked on the DII I have reporoduced most of it below:

G20 PROTEST EVENTS LONDON 2009: Saturday 28th March *Put People First G20 Demonstration "Jobs, Justice, Climate": http://www.putpeoplefirst.org.uk/ *Joint Denomination Service: 10.30am Westminster Hall, led by the Bishop of London To join march en route at Parliament Square *Student Bloc Meet up Point: 10.30am Brunei Gallery at SOAS, Russel Square *Main Assembly Point for March: 11am Victoria Embankment *Baby Bloc Picnic: 11am at the ‘Year of the Child Fountain’ next to ‘The Lookout’ in Hyde Park Close to the rally location - for chilling out and awaiting the march arrival at the rally *Militant Workers Bloc , and tall RIVET JOINT GroBags against R5. Meet up Point: 11am Victoria Embankment Gardens *Put People First Rally in Hyde Park: From 2.30pm List of speakers: http://www.putpeoplefirst.org.uk/whats-happening/the-rally/ *Autonomous Speeches: 3pm Speakers Corner NB anyone wanting to twitter news updates from the march, tag twitter messages with #G20rally Don't know how to Twitter? see here: http://www.putpeoplefirst.org.uk/2009/03/mobile-mavericks-wanted-to-twitter-from-the-rally/ (note: Twitter no longer send sms updates to your mobile phone) ------------------------

"V neck pullovers for all ranks" : assemble st pancras station by Starbucks, speeches followed by march to Pizza Express euston road.

Wednesday 1st April The day before the actual G20 Summit at the ExCel centre, but with official meetings occurring across London. *G20 Meltdown 'Banquet at The Bank' Financial Fools Street Party: 11am / 12 noon
Four "Horsefolk of the Apocalypse" 11am Meet up Points split across themes and locations to converge on the Bank of England at 12 Noon. http://www.g-20meltdown.org/ *Moorgate Station: Red horse against War *Liverpool Street Station: Green horse against Climate chaos *London Bridge Station: Silver horse against Financial crimes *Cannon Street Station: Black horse against land enclosures and borders in honour of the 360th full circle anniversary of the Diggers *Climate Camp in the City: 24 hour action creating a climate camp in the heart of the city 12.30pm sharp at the European Climate Exchange, Hasilwood House, 62 Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AW Programme of workshops to be held now online, including Carbon Trading, New Economics Foundation and Copenhagen United Nations Climate Change Conference taking place at the start of December 2009 *nb organisers say location may change, see website for more details and to sign up to sms alerts http://www.climatecamp.org.uk/g20 *"Climate Emergency" Ice-berg Demonstration @ G20 ExCel 12.30pm Excel Centre, Royal Victoria DLR

North Face Clones against PS and tropical deforrestation: RV Tower Hill DLR at no fixed time: covert insertion to the Minnories, then Ball Bros on Lime Street: confront bankers over lunch, speeches followed by chest prodding over who said what at Red 25.

A demo for "Fossil Fools Day" 12.30 pm. to 7.30 pm. (evening rally 6.30 pm) With a giant ice block, participants dressing in white - all welcome. http://www.campaigncc.org/ *Jobs not Bombs Demonstration 2pm US Embassy, Grosvenor Square, then march to Trafalgar Square for Rally Called by Stop the War, CND, Palestine Solidarity Campaign, British Muslim Initiative http://stopwar.org.uk/ *Alternative G20 London Summit 4pm - 9pm at the University of East London, Docklands Campus, 4-6 University Way (Cyprus DLR, close to ExCel) See website for list of speakers http://www.altg20.org.uk/ http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=58157694741&ref=share *‘Your Party’s Over!' BP Centenary Fossil Fools Day Protest STOP PRESS: BP CANCELS THEIR PARTY DUE TO PROTESTS - See: http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2009/03/424770.html Was to be 6pm at the British Museum’s Great Russell Street gate. http://www.fossilfoolsdayofaction.org/2009/category/frontpage/ ------------------------

Thursday 2nd April - G20 Day Various calls for actions around the G20 Summit G20 Meltdown promises....
Side fastening stablebelts against racism: 1100 assemble outside Union Jack club, March to the Griffin PH Villiers St

Early a.m. we're going to bang on their hotel doors, @ the Excel Centre, Canning town to deliver our message of a world beyond capitalism. http://www.g-20meltdown.org/ *Youth March for Jobs 9am Camberwell Green - jarrow style long march across london to G20 ExCel @ 4pm http://www.youthfightforjobs.com/action For route see: http://tinyurl.com/bnsffg / http://www.youthfightforjobs.com/txt/25.pdf *Jobs Not Bombs G20 Summit ExCel Demo 11am at the Excel Centre. Called by Stop the War Coalition, Palestine Solidarity Campaign, The British Muslim Initiative and CND http://stopwar.org.uk/

22:00 RAF Club Picadilly; RIVET JOINT all night benefit gig,
In aid of oppressed aircrew over 1M 70Cm.

Limited Edition Unit Navimeters against the Grey Side and the 5th Runway: Assemble in the Atrium of the Marriott Bath Road 1800. March to Tuscany Ristorante for Linguine and Bardollino followed by mass back slapping.

Monday, 23 March 2009

Will we see you there ?

Not usually seen at this type of event, I have been invited this year by a former Provost colleague, now in a senior management role in the private sector. There is some growing interest in the private sector, in the application of ISTAR-related TTP in commercial sector security.

How many of the award winners will you know ?

Sunday, 15 March 2009

UAS Pilots report for training

In a change from previous Air Force Policy that said that pilots should fly unmanned aircraft systems, this first class includes developmental engineers, air battle managers, combat systems officers, a space/missile operator a civil engineer and a contracting officer.

Lt Gen Norman R Seip, Commander 12th Air Force said :
"Next year, the Air Force will procure more unmanned aircraft than manned aircraft........So I think that makes a very pointed statement about our commitment to the future of UAS and what it brings to the fight in meeting the requirements of combatant commanders.”
American Forces Press Service

IMHO the days of the master race are numbered

Saturday, 14 March 2009

Tick, Tock……………who wears wha(c)t(h) ?

I observe that from their latest weekly (yes I do get a copy - hee hee!) employment after service e-mail that the Ground Intelligence & Security (Army) branch are now marketing exclusive `Aeromarine` * time pieces at knock down prices.

Sadly, for copyright reasons I cannot reproduce the said mentioned item however, I believe that the attached is a very accurate representation of what will obviously become a collector’s item amongst the North Face brigade so that they can bring “timely, relevant , accurate and synchronized intelligence to tactical and operational and strategic level land commanders”

*Hmmm ? `Aero` – that is a flying term and `Marine` – that is a Naval term!
Perhaps the correct marketing term should have been `Powerpoint` ??

Thursday, 5 March 2009

What a farce !

Well, well, well two instances of the Eye Corps (although I understand that cap badge recognition is still not taught in their basic imagery course !) in the Thunderer this week !

A `leading` undercover intelligence expert dressed as a member of the genus `Canis` is revealed as a former operative of the genus `scientia quod vallo miles militis` !

Allegedly, this animal lover utilised his considerable skills, learnt and fully utilised when in the service of Her Majesty, to infiltrate and conduct interdiction operations to prevent and deter criminal wrong doings and provide to the Old Bill inside information about the Dons, Caporegimes and the various other members and their associates

If he been caught he would have more than likely ended up with a bullet riddled body and dumped in hole and covered in a strong hard building material composed of sand and gravel and cement and water - NOT !

Some former colleagues are aghast at some of his claims – not least his claims of rave reviews by the theatre critic of Sixth Sense following his portrayal of Gary Legeune in the 1993 Harp Players production of `Noises Off` !

Whatever name he goes by now has not prevented this former intelligence thespian to dodge publicity or controversy. Oh no daaaarling this gifted amateur ,it is revealed, is now touting himself and his expertise on multimedia with production of a DVD and providing co-operative training with an already discredited individual who trains `bullet catchers` .

Anticipation of an award (Baronial, Lordship, Laird) in recognition of this association is said to be imminent !

We in the Branch and Flights await with eager keenness the approaching hardback !

Sunday, 1 March 2009

Horses for courses

Some members of the J2 community seem quite adept at seeking and gaining media attention.

In many cases the CoC seem powerless to stop this attention seeking behaviour. This curent example would have been met in some quarters with howls of derision had it been a (hardly discernable) member of the RAF Intelligence Branch. But here we are "giving it large" as they would say in Templer TDW, and not a word is said.
Perhaps it was really just another walt from MT or 49 Para? Perhaps this picture was actually really taken walking back from the EFI, or Pudsey TA Centre? When will this insatiable thirst for media attention ever end?

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Aircrew Medical

Much has been made of the differing medical and fitness standards between the three services. clearly each has a unique set of demands, reflecting the needs of each service. On Land, the army may need to close with adversaries, at close quartersand at short notice. This requires considerable amounts of stamina and strength of character.

Aircrew are subjected to differing physiological stresses and are require high levels of alertness and mental agility having for example to concurrnetly track multiple targets, compare with other sources, evaluate, analyse, fuse and disseminate them, whilst frequently having to guide the front crew, where best to place the platform; all whilst moving at some speed.

In the navy, sailors are frequently required to sit round all day, wondering what to have for the next meal, happliy listening to their iPods, whilst they glide over the ocean at a most civilised pace. Intense 20-30 second bursts of explosive force can be required, these usually coincide with leaving a bar on a run-ashore. Even these are optional.

Surely the differences between our three services are a source of strength and should be celebrated. As opposed to certain factions pretending to be something they are not? Despite these differences , the intelligence elements of the 3 armed forces have always led the way regarding joint working. With the coming of the JPA, there is reputed to be a move in CDI's area to avoid wasteful administrative action against individuals of some services who may not be able to meet ther requirments of their single service.

There are draft proposals being circulated to re-allocate some intelligence specialists to another service, rather than loose their skills altogether. This could produce a win-win situation for both the MoD and the individual.

Monday, 16 February 2009

No 5 Army Cooperation Squadron

Respected Sunday Times journalist and former Intelligence Corps analyst Mick Smith raises some interesting questions in this article yesterdayhttp://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article5734089.ece

Air Command have made significant investment in the training facilities to make sure that this platform reaches IOC with the right number of IAs to do the job. This has including sacrificing mission duration, giving away the AAR / long-loiter capability.

Against that commitment from the RAF it seems that we are still short of key rear crew. Given close to 10 years advance notice we still seem to be heading for a long-predicted train crash. There is a view that part of one service has not been able to keep its side of the bargain. Clearly it has important commitments elsewhere, and , when you are getting shot at, green suited one and two stars have a louder voice than the light blue ones.

How do we resolve this situation? Early discussions have indicated that the Royal Artillery may have some available manpower, albeit tactical imagery analysts, the Sentinel would gain the advantage of having som FOO capability on board, possible even JTAC. There are clear advantages here for the delivery of deep fires.

The ISTAR and Counter-ISTAR community are becomingly increasingly joint. With the current tempo of land operations, the RAF is stepping up to the mark filling an increasing number of undermanned or gapped posts across the J2 community. Answers are at hand, it only needs for the respective stakeholders to find the bandwidth to get to the table to close this matter out.

As ever A2 Branch stands ready to engage.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Progression in the Intelligence Branch

I have been asked by several JNCOs if it is necessary to take up an academic pursuit, such as Open University to enjoy a full career in the Intelligence Branch?

The answer in short is a resounding NO! The RAF Intelligence Branch recognises that its enlisted women and men are of exceptionally high intellect. Whilst some may care to pursue extra-mural academic qualifications, this is for their own satisfaction as opposed to a seeming desire to gain professional advantage over their peers.

It is generally recognised that the work of the Imagery Analyst requires not only deep technical understanding, including the target array, complex IA techniques, collateral intelligence processes, all-source fusion, as well as the complexities of reporting.

Reporting is a critical attribute for the Imagery Analyst, ones analysis can be routinely circulated at JIC and Ministerial level, and you may be required to represent UK and brief, at international level. If you get it wrong at that level, there can be exceptionally grave consequences at and lasting international reprecussions.

Many RAF Imagery Analysts have to undertake long haul flights and are then faced with further difficulties such as having to brief in a foreign language, for instance at the NPIC at Bolling AFB.

Many Imagery analysts find that utilising all their Virgin Flying Club Miles and their Marriott Rewards Bonus points can be difficult. In such cases the Branch provide a counselling service

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Wanted - The Famous 5 ?

Whilst observing, from the VIP suite, the throngs of attendees at yesterdays CT exhibition I noticed a small group of `gifted amateurs` `coming together` (bad tradecraft skills chaps) on one of the stands. It was hilarious to watch each of them wary of each other - as they formed a small defensive position in the center of the hall. Nobody seemed to be talking to them, they all looked confused and unsure and it reminded me of an episode of Lost !

This jogged a memory of a couple of books that I once discovered (but did not purchase) in the Childrens Book shop run by a lovely lady called Judith in Hay on Wye:

`The Intelligence Corps Saves The Island` and `The Intelligence Corps and Anna` - both by Marion Frow.

Any Branch or Flight members got copies of these as apparently they are used as advanced tradecraft manuals !

Good to see a good number at lunch. I hope that you all got home ok ? I shall be attending again today - same timings and security procedures for lunch.

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Outsourcing the PS function - The RAFIA ?

Office security in the Intelligence Corps Directorate needs to be reviewed urgently (particularly a clear desk policy) as a sneak preview of their latest magazine (and previous issues on sale at e-bay) reveal that all they appear to do is adventure training or sport !!

However, it could be another one of those SIPE or is it SNIPE black/cypress green/french or squirrel grey ops ???

Why not consider out sourcing the protective security function ? Here is one instance of a company local to Chickers that should be on any RFI list :


The RAFIA - visit them before they visit you ! ............................................................Oh we have ! :)

Stop them Baddies !

I, like many other likeminded counter terrorist security & intelligence professionals, shall be at this today and tomorrow.

Just to give others a chance, this year I will not be presenting at the conference but will be holding an informal lunch from 1300hrs on both days in Leiths for those of you who can make it – please wear your RAF P&SS or Int Branch lapel badges for recognition by the maĆ®tre de.

We will be represented on stands by a number of former members who provide exacting solutions to counter terrorist MO learnt from over 90 years in protecting assets.

I understand the Army lot are as usual too late for the party although they have pre-booked space at this:

Toodle pip

OS Int Job Fair

From our good friend Former Flt Sgt Harry Plotter - you all remember him ? Slighty rotund with milk bottles glasses, great for looking at female green slime arrses !

"Thanks to all those former members of the Branch who turned up to the job fair at the RAF Club last week. It was also good to see so many serving members managed to attend, despite the high tempo of current operations.

For those who were not able to attend, one clear message came though:

There is plenty of work out there for experienced imagery analysts, both in the public sector, JARIC and D Mil survey and in industry. The deep expereince that only the Branch can bring will certainly provide firm employment when you do decide to leave the service.

I know that some of you work alongside other members of the intelligence community where employment is less certain. Unlike their counterparts, RAF Intelligence Analysts have no need to end up on the so-called "curcuit."

Harry of course has his own blog over at http://imageryanalyst.blogspot.com/ - where you can read more about this event and further post Int Branch career options - why not pop in and hear the latest from the leading IMINT providers to the UK intelligence machinery.

Friday, 6 February 2009

Recommended Reading

RAF Police - Bombay to Ascension 1918-2007

An illustrated record of RAF Police activities in Europe, Asia, Australasia, South America and the South Atlantic.

This book describes in detail the wide-ranging police, security and intelligence operations undertaken by the RAF between 1918 and 2007 in a vast area of the world stretching south from the Himalayas through Asia, Australasia, the American Continent and the islands in the South Atlantic Ocean. It includes Special Investigations, Counter-Intelligence, Air Transport Security, Canine operations and much, much more undertaken by this unique branch of the Armed Services.

"An excellent read - I could not put it down. It made me think - why did I transfer to the Intelligence Corps ?" - Glad_it_is_all_Over

"If only this book had been published before I had gone to the ACIO I would definitely have served for longer and in the RAF" - Bound Apprentice

`Forewarned, Forearmed ! - what a load of tosh ! This is the definitive textbook for all students of military security and intelligence matters" - Alfie Boy

"An ideal companion and background reading material for `coal face security practioners` who wish to transfer their service skills and vocational experience to the commercial risk management sector- a great read, I learnt a lot " - Director of Education & Training `The Sacred Chest Foundation`

Available from Horus Training Wing, Defence College of Intelligence, Chicksands - Intelligence Corps tradespersons please show your ICA membership card for your signed complimentary copy.

RAF Security - Yes we Can !

Here we are once more assisting the public sector in ensuring their (and ultimately joe citizens) data is secure:


If in doubt call Adastra IM for all your Information Security needs !

PS: not a hint of an elite army IT security unit to be seen.

Busy re-writing DIAN 4 again I suppose ?

Boathouse door?

Never mind the hackneyed old "colour of the boat house door" question.

Could I kindly encourage you to take a peek at the videos on the right from Ad Astra IM

You might need to refresh to get them to load

The question of NOW is what does SOA stand for?

Did I hear you venture that new human capital resource house: Jalapeno connection-soa

Bonzo Dog's Hero ?

It was only recently that I realised that The Marsh Arabist was in fact a member of 49 – or as we in the know call it 49 !

He self compromised himself to Bonzo Dog by accident during OP WE ARE THE MEN IN BLACK, which as the world now knows, was the codename for the successful recovery from incarceration by the Mysterons of `The King` - Elvis Presley.

More detail can be found and described in detail in Chapter 6 of Petra Sarajvo’s book `49 KRU (Kidnap Rescue Unit) – I was not in that either`

To be quite truthful and honest, TMA saved Bonzo's life that night (as he went on to many times since) by slotting at least three `french grey men` who were about to operate on him following his own own stupidity in being captured whilst checking his Twitter account and of course waiting for `Standby! Standby` signal in his IPOD earpiece !

He certainly knows how to empty 72 rounds into a target from 200 metres – what a shot and from the navigators seat of a fast moving Segway to boot!

Elvis certainly left the building (spacecraft) that night !

One of my best mates

I have known Already Jacked Genius since 1980 when he completed the Air Warfare Intelligence Course at RAF Waddington, Lincolnshire. Shortly after the course he volunteered to take a sabbatical from the Army and to undertake air intelligence duties.

The Intelligence Branch Officers of the RAF, being the premier service of the Armed Forces, have unique capabilities in their arsenal specializing in gathering, analysing and providing strategic and tactical defence intelligence – both in peace and war. It’s a highly specialized field that offers exciting opportunities within a fast-moving, international environment which Jacko appreciated to the full as his previous intelligence duties were concerned with ensuring that acetate traces of the German plains were accounted for in the unit MOD F102 !

I next met him 1987 when, following a request to extend his secondment ,we were both posted to the Tactical Imagery Wing, where his abilities were tested to the full as he attempted to manage (not very successfully to tell the truth) the rapid interpretation of incoming reconnaissance imagery. Again an eye opener for this, as then, recently commissioned Intelligence Corps LE officer whose only previous experience with imagery was a short ground phot course at NITAT with `big Tom` - allegedly a hero in his own darkroom !

Sadly, I lost touch with Jacko when I was promoted (before my time) and became Squadron Intelligence Officer producing intelligence assessments in order to brief personally, aircrews before their missions and subsequently both the Iron Lady & the Cabinet.

Jacko and I met him again in 1993 when I was the Senior Intelligence Officer to the Joint Air Reconnaissance Intelligence Centre (JARIC) at RAF Brampton in Bedfordshire, and he had to pick up some high quality satellite enhanced map coverage for an adventure training exercise that he was Quartermaster for.

Luckily, our paths crossed again in late 1998 when I met him in the corridor at the Permanent Joint Headquarters (PJHQ) where I was in charge of operational planning and management for the Balkans campaign and he was the Assistant to the ADC for Maj Gen Alison Dyson, the Army’s diversity Champion.

It was during this short meeting that I discovered that Jacko was about to take a second secondment to the RAF in order to understand more how the Army could learn from the professional standards and methods offered by the Provost & Security Branch in relation to defence security risk management matters. He had spent the previous six months with the RMP - the real powers behind Army Security and great friends of the P&SS Branch - Us Masons must stick together !

I would not hesitate in recommending Already Jacked Genius to any employer. However, his penchant for using the interweb during work hour should be closely moderated.

Mistral Matrix

The Mistral Matrix, what a caper that was. I dont suppose any of you remember that fresh faced young Warrant Officer "Medals Mistral". It was only after he was commissioned into the Intelligence Corps that it came out that all along, he was a closet N Guage model railway collector.

To be honest I did question how he was so quick to take control of the Map Store at Brawdy.

Oh yes, old Misty, as we used to call him, whatever became of him, I bet he is on the CLAS roll now, joshing along with his old pal the Guru??

That will be ..............?

“Intelligence is best done by a minimum number of men and women of the greatest possible ability”.

– R.V. Jones, assistant director, Royal Air Force Intelligence Section during World War II, and generally regarded as the father of scientific and technical intelligence.

Hide & Seek !

“I’ve written a poem.”
“Who sir?
"You sir?”
“Yes sir, me sir.”
“No, sir!”
“Yes sir. Listen

“They seek him here, they seek him there,
“those Cypress Greenies (or French/Squirrel Greys ?) seek him everywhere.
“Is he in heaven or is he in hell?
“That damned elusive Ad Astra.”

With many thanks to Sir Percy Blakeney (RAFVR)

Thursday, 5 February 2009

What a Man !

“I have known RWOC for close to 20 years. We both met on the Army Combat Survival Instructors’ Course where we were on the same syndicate. At the time we were both working in a unit working behind the Iron Curtain, in East Germany responsible for monitoring the activities of the Group of Soviet Forces Germany.

Despite being captured by the hunter force Reb quickly convinced them that he was a BT engineer from Luton, on secondment to the BT Exchange in May Street Belfast. He was set free, I was subjected to 24 hours of stress positions and harsh. All I got to show for it was a HAC Gurnsey style cardigan and membership of a good dining club near Lincoln’s Inn. He proved excellent at building relationships with the East Germans, in part due to his command of “Hoch Deutch” that had become quite unfashionable during the communist era. His command of the language combined with his superior rapport-building skills set him out as a man apart from the rest of us.

Whilst other crews spent the night roughing it in fields and woods, with Reb we were always guaranteed a room for the night in a 5 star hotel or some schloss still in the hands of its aristocratic owners. If it were not for the fact that I knew he was a common Intelligence Corps Other Rank this aspect of tradecraft demonstrated to me he has many qualities befitting an Officer in the Royal Air Force.

Some of the relationships that Rebel formed with the underground intelligencia are said to have paved the way for the fall of the Berlin Wall.

I next saw RWOC in Iraq in 1991, where he was working as a member of the Iraq survey group, under Command of a man I now know to be an agent handler as well. Much of Rebs work was now at the diplomatic level, dealing with Ministers and heads of the armed forces. Even after it had been de commissioned and grounded at Cosford, Reb was still flying everywhere by Concorde - again showing traits that only a person who has worked closely with the RAF can do.

Over the years the more I got to know Rebel the more I noticed the occasional slip about “Century House”, or that other temple of espionage tradecraft “the Cotton Centre”. Eventually he let slip that he had been trained at Fort Halstead, AKA the Fort.

This truly is one impressive guy, good to know he is on your team. When he gets together with another Agent Handler, these guys are truly unbeatable. I am not worthy - Respect !

Highly Recommended

“I was Eye Spy's unconventional tactics instructor at K Branch.
His expereince and maturity marked him out from may of the younger Royal Marine and Army students, where they excelled in physical fitenss, he remained well ahead of the field due to his excellent problem-solving and rapport building skills. His solution to the notorius Stelling Minnis apparition test, was the most complete we had seen from a student in the 20 years the course had been running.
On posting to the 49 Para KRU, his early development of Life-Form detectors in collaboration with TSS, were invaluable for detecting and then avoiding GSFG personnel when we were deep in PRA. Many in Int Branch HQ RAF (G) actually beleived that we were looking for Command Bunkers belonging to HQ GSFG and 16 TAA, which belies the reality.
The exisitance of underground Chalactran and Vultan colonies in the Letzliger Heide remains a closely guared secret until today. If it was not for Eye Spy's 's excellent relationship building skills they would have continued to fight for domination of our planet, even today.
Only due to Eye Spy does peace continue to reign today, as he still keeps them supplied with and endless supply of back copies of PC world, Air Clues, Flight safety magazines and "Narrow Guage Railway Modelling Today" - the latter coming from a particulalrly complex KRU case know as the "Mistral Matrix"
Eye Spy has saved the World again! Thank you 49 Para, thank you KRU superheroes !!!”